Thursday, July 27, 2006

July 28th, 2006 Oh Doggy Poo!

Running With
Scissors by Juli of
Sew Weird Designs


http://www.sewweird.com

Can someone please tell me where July went? Holy smokes! July flew by so quick I have whiplash. Only one more month and then "BACK TO SCHOOL" (happy dance! happy dance!).

This week I am going to introduce you to my neighbor, Ruth. She is an 80 something widow that lives next door. In fact, we share a driveway, even though she doesn't drive and doesn't own a car.

Ruth lives alone with her three dogs, a German Shepard, a Bull Terrier, and a Jack Russell Terrier. Her nearest relative is her daughter who lives in Ann Arbor, 30 minutes away. So we make sure she gets what she needs and goes where she needs to go. This can be difficult at times because her hearing is very bad. Last week while I was taking her around on errands, she asked me to stop at Taco Bell. She then tells me that she saw an ad for something that looked good and wanted to try it. I told her I had seen the same ad and that it was for a "Crunch Wrap Supreme". She replied, "No, I don't think they have crumpets." I corrected her and said, "CRUNCH WRAP SUPREME." "Crumpets? They sell those at Polly's Market. We can stop there and get you some dear. They are very good with Earl Grey tea", she tells me. We pulled into Taco Bell and get her "Crunch Wrap Supreme" and head home. I didn't even try to talk to her the rest of the way home.

The next day Ruth came over to give me a check for her part of our shared garbage service. As I began talking to her in my kitchen, I notice she kept glancing over my shoulder. I didn't want to turn my head to see what she was looking at because she needs to see my lips to understand what I'm saying. I ignored her glances and continued our conversation about her beautiful rose garden while I walked her toward the door. I shut the door behind her and turned to go back into my office. And there it was! I finally saw what she had been looking at. The horror of it hit me so hard that my knees got weak. It seems my daughter Blayne had left her fake rubber pile of doggy poo on the counter. OMG! Ruth had thought there was dog poo on my kitchen counter! I grabbed the rubber poo and raced to the door to explain, but stopped short. I couldn't just run up on this old woman with a rubber pile of dog poo, it would give her a heart attack. I could just imagine her thinking that I was some insane circus monkey preparing to fling her dung!

It was obvious that I should wait and try to explain things later. Oh, but that would look so pathetic. Maybe she didn't really notice? That is so stupid! Of course she noticed! It was right there in the middle of the counter just as sure as sh**. Ok. I am just going to go to my happy place and forget it ever happened. I will forget about it and go on like it is totally normal to have fake doggy poo on my kitchen counter. She's an old woman, after all, and will probably forget all about it anyway. UGHHH! This is awful! My sweet elderly neighbor thinks my dogs climb up and crap on my kitchen counter! I guess I should give her kitchen towels for Christmas instead of the usual tin of homemade fudge.

Just another day in my life running with scissors.


// posted by Jui Donoho @ 10:14 PM 0 comments

July 21st, 2006 Lilly's NYC trip

Running With
Scissors by Juli of
Sew Weird Designs


http://www.sewweird.com

I hope this week hasn't been too hot for you. It has been simply miserable for us Michiganders. We had a few days where the heat index was over 100 degrees! I know that those in the south must be thinking we are wimps but remember we are not used to heat, and our blood is as thick as Karo syrup. I really hate hot weather and avoid going out as much as possible in the summer. And it shows by my pasty white skin. When I fill out a form and it ask me my race I don't mark "white" I check "other" and write in "clear". Sun and me, the two shall never meet. Last year I thought I would try a tanner but made the mistake of lying on my stomach. I burned my butt so bad I looked like a sock monkey! Anyway, "clear" is in this summer, isn't it?

My Lilly had a wonderful time in NYC with her auntie. She went to the Broadway show "Tarzan" and met the cast backstage. She was very taken with Tarzan and plans to marry him.

They spent a day at the "Build-a-Bear" store where she spent most of her wad on a new stuffed dog. In this NYC store they also have a "build-a-doll" store called "Friends B Made." However, all she talked about was going to the American Girl store like her big sister did when she was in NYC. I wasn't keen on buying Lilly an expensive doll and I had made Blayne wait until she was mature enough to take care of the doll before I would let her have one. So instead of an American Girl Doll I agreed to a baby doll called "Bitty Baby". And so the day was planned. Lilly was delighted with her new Bitty Baby doll and named her Tasha. She picked out matching outfits for both her and Tasha.

We picked up Lilly and Tasha from the Detroit airport on Saturday evening, and stopping in Ann Arbor on our way back home for dinner. Lilly was getting Tasha out of the car seat, when I heard the loudest, high-pitched, blood curdling scream, and watched as Tasha's head rolled past me and under the car.

It seems the dolls head got caught on the seatbelt and popped off. Oh, the look on my poor Lilly's face was horrible. The horror of seeing her baby's head pop off and roll under the car was just too much. She just stood there screaming and clutching the headless body of her doll .

I fell to my knees and tried to get Tashas head before if rolled under the car, but it had rolled too far too fast. It was a hot miserable day and what could be worse than having to get down on the hot blacktop to retrieve a doll head. I looked at Tony and he looked back at me. No words had to be said for our eyes were doing the arguing over who was going to get it. Tony, being the gallant dad, let out a sigh of defeat and got down on his belly to slide under the car and save the day. He handed me the head which I hurredly tried to get back on the doll. With Lilly still a bit hysterical we got into the restaurant. The hostess sat us in an out-of-the-way back corner...I wonder why. We got the head back on and I used a wet-nap to clean the tar off the face the best I could. All is well, or so we thought. Unfortunately, Lilly will no longer have anything to do with this doll. I have tried to encourage her to play with Tasha but she has been too traumatized by the doll,s unfortunate beheading.

UGHHH! Just another day in my life running with scissors.


// posted by Jui Donoho @ 10:04 PM 0 comments

July 14th, 2006 Superman

Running With Scissors
by Juli of Sew Weird Designs


http://www.sewweird.com


It's a
bird? It's a plane? No, it's SUPERMAN!....

Saturday afternoon we took a trip to Lansing to see the new Superman on the
IMAX 3D. HOLY MOLY! What an experience! I remember watching the "Man
of Steel" on the old black and white Zenith. Never in my wildest dreams
could I have imagined anything as spectacular as a movie on the 8 story IMAX
screen in 3D. My girls think they are roughing it when they have to watch
TV on a 19 inch screen. It really blows their mind when I tell them that we
had only 3 channels and cartoons only aired on Saturday mornings. No VCR's
or TiVo...OH THE HORRORS! How did we ever survive.


I can
remember as a kid thinking it was stupid that no one recognized Clark Kent
was Superman. In Superman Returns I was bothered by the fact that Superman
was missing for 5 years while he was off searching for the remains of his
home planet Krypton. Now if Superman could fly to Krypton and back then why
didn't his parents fly off Krypton when the planet was dying? Is it just me
or does the whole thing seem illogical?



If Superman was real would anyone not see that Clark Kent is really Superman?
Since it would be difficult to conduct a experiment to test the theory that
a pair of thick glasses could be a successful disguise. I decided to do a
little searching on how stupid we as a human race could be. The results were
very disturbing and I feel we are in big trouble. Let me share with you the
evidence I found to prove that yes, some of us are that stupid.



Actual Product Warnings:




No wonder we need a savior
like Superman we are a bunch of homo sapiens IDIOTS!


// posted by Jui Donoho @ 9:54 PM 0 comments

July 7th 2006 Blaynes NYC Trip

Running With Scissors
by Juli of Sew Weird Designs


http://www.sewweird.com


Greetings
all! I know you are all anxious to hear about Blaynes trip to the American Girls
Store but I am afraid I have some bad news. She did take a lot of pictures but
accidentally deleted them. She had a great time and picked out two dolls, Felicity
and Elizabeth. They went to the store on Thursday evening to make lunch reservations
only to find out that there is a 5 month waiting list. Can you imagine! Luckily
while she was standing there they had a cancellation. The host told my sister
she should play the lottery because that NEVER happens. The next day they arrive
at the store early and Blayne makes her purchase. They proceed to the restaurant
for lunch with the dolls.

The bus boy takes the dolls from Blayne and sets them in the little seats, positions
their hands on the table and places tiny tableware in front of them. I worked
in the restaurant business in NYC and I can tell you there was not a single
busboy I knew who would serve dolls. Most busboys in NYC restaurants come from
South American and have a macho attitude; this would be so humiliating to them.
Can you just imagine writing home, “Hey mom I landed a job working at
a restaurant serving dolls for spoiled American children”. They must think
we are loco!


Wednesday it
is Lilly’s (7) turn to visit her aunt in NYC. This will be her first time
flying alone. She is very excited and asks me everyday how many more days to
go. I’m a bit nervous for my sister since Lilly is my clone and a handful.
She has to be watched every minute to make sure she doesn't get into trouble,
like me. My sister has never had children and has her work cut out for her…boo
hoo! Now she will get to see why I am turning gray. I love my sister to death
but I really don't care for her unsolicited advice on parenting. HA! lets see
how well she does with the demon spawn! (throwing my head back in a evil cackle)
Oh maybe I should pack a bunch of chocolate in Lilly's bag and forget to pack
her Ritalin....oh the ideas are endless.


Lilly is going
to see Tarzan on Broadway, visit the set of the new Spiderman movie and go to
the world’s largest Build a Bear store. In case you are not familiar with
Build a Bear, it is a store where you pick out a stuffed animal shell (un-stuffed)
and walk it through the process of stuffing it, adding a heart for love, sewing
up the back and grooming it. Then you pick out clothes and accessories for an
additional charge. There is a Build a Bear in Grand Rapids, Michigan where we
spend every Christmas and Lilly already has 3 animals. For this trip she is
going to take one she already has and to groom it and some new outfits. Like
the American Girl store they also have a restaurant and theater with little
seats next to the full size seats. I guess serving dolls would be bad but to
serve stuffed animals! The busboys could never go back home after that job.
No wonder we Americans have such a bad reputation of being obnoxious.


// posted by Jui Donoho @ 9:50 PM 0 comments

June 30th, 2006 My Twinn Doll

Running With Scissors
by Juli of Sew Weird Designs


http://www.sewweird.com


I can't believe how quick
June has flown by, and we are already on our fifth newsletter.


We returned home from Cleveland,
Ohio late this past Sunday. It turned out to be a great trip, except for the
3 days of record-breaking bad weather…including an earthquake. I loved
Cleveland. The people were so friendly. The city is full of culture, and I was
surprised at how clean the city was. It was the kind of place where I could
easily live, earthquakes and all. But I will always be a Wolverine…GO
BLUE.


Wednesday Blayne was supposed
to fly to New York City to spend her 12th birthday with my sister. All flights
to New York's LaGuardia Airport were canceled due to bad weather. The bad weather
just seems to follows us. Blayne flew out this morning (Thursday) and is in
The Big Apple as I write this. Even though Blayne visits her aunt every summer,
this trip is an especially big one for her. This year she is going to buy herself
an "American Girl" doll. She has wanted an "American Girl"
doll for a very long time. I had refused to buy her one until she could prove
to me she could take care of her toys. This past Christmas we had decided that
she was mature enough and made plans with Santa for a very special Christmas
gift; an "American Girl" doll.


In case some of you are
not familiar with the "American Girls" doll, they are very popular,
each a different character, and all come with their own line of books. Some
are historical figures and some are set in the present. They are priced starting
around $85, with a multitude of accessories all just as pricey. If you are not
fortunate to live near an American Girl store you can only order through a catalog
or the Internet. While I was searching through some dolls I came across a "My
Twinn" doll. They are made by the same company that makes the American
Girl. The only difference is that a "My Twinns" is larger and custom
made to resemble the child, and of course they are more expensive. I thought
that was the coolest thing!


So I carefully filled out
the order form and found two good pictures that showed all of Blayne's features.
I was glad they didn't offer a voice box option because I don't think I could
handle a dual "WHINE". I got all the necessary information e-mailed
off and then waited. The doll arrived and I was so excited! Man…why didn't
they have this kind of stuff when I was a kid? I would have crawled though broken
glass to have one of these dolls when I was a kid. I opened the box and looked
at the slightly eerie vinyl version of Blayne. It looked just like her, and
all I could think of was the episode of "Twilight Zone" where the
little girl receives a doll that would come to life at night and kill people
that had been mean to her. Obviously, I used a generous portion of tape to reseal
the box and then put it out in the garage. I could not help wondering if buying
this doll was really such a good idea after all.


Christmas day arrived and
I was all "pins and needles" watching her open each gift. She got
to the doll and I began jumping up and down in excitement. She tore off the
wrapping paper and saw the "My Twinn" logo on the box. I squealed!
Then I noticed the look on her face…was that disappointment? I asked her
what was wrong, to which she replied "My Twinn is nice but I really wanted
an American Girl Doll". WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE-TOOTHPICKS! "Can I send
it back and get an American Girl", she asks. "NO, you are stuck with
that very expensive custom made doll, so live with it", I reply.


Segue to today. She has
been saving all her allowance since January to buy an "American Girl"
doll. My sister has the whole day planned for Blayne to spend in the American
Girl store. She had spent the past 6 months deciding which doll and what accessories
she would buy. And all the while that creepy "My Twinn" just sits
on a chair next to her computer and stares at me. I swear those eyes followed
me when I walk by. Fortunately, she took the "My Twinn" to New York
with her, where she has an appointment at the "American Girl" store
to have the hair done in a salon. Yes, you heard me right. This store has a
salon for girl and doll. They will even replace the wig if the owner's hair
changes. This place also has a restaurant with doll-sized chairs for the doll
to sit at the table with you. They have four boutiques, a photo studio, and
a theatre with a small doll seat next to each regular-sized seat so you can
watch a movie with your doll.


That is just crazy!


// posted by Jui Donoho @ 9:46 PM 0 comments

June 23rd, 2006 Daddy's Tea Party

Running With Scissors
by Juli of Sew Weird Designs

http://www.sewweird.com


This has been an
interesting week, to say the least. We are in Cleveland, Ohio while
Tony is attending union seminars. We were supposed to stay at a hotel
right downtown but they were over booked and put us in a Holiday Inn
Express near the airport, instead. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal,
but Tony had to take the car everyday to get to the other hotel, so
I am stuck with these two kids and nothing nearby. We are making the
best of it, though, and now we know every hotel employee by their first
names.


I hope you all have
had a wonderful fathers day. I would like to share one of my favorite
"dad" stories. I think its a good example of what "dads"
are made of.


It was an average
Sunday morning. I was reading the newspaper and Tony was watching TV.
Blayne was still just a toddler at this time and was playing with a
little porcelain tea set her great grandmother had given her. She was
setting up her little tea party, disappearing out of sight around the
corner then coming back with filled tea cups. She handed me a tea cup
which I promptly dumped into an empty coffee cup I had next to me. Tony,
on the other, downed the cupful of "tea" in a single gulp,
and praised Blayne for her delicious tea. This continued for 5 or 6
cup-fulls until I could no longer hold in my amusement and gave out
a chuckle.

Tony looked at me and asked what I found so amusing. I happily reminded
him that Blayne wasn't tall enough to reach the bathroom sink. His face
immediately turned a pale green as he sheepishly asked Blayne where
she had got the tea. "In the toilet", she replied, with the
inosence of a angel.


I was now in a full-blown,
roaring, belly laugh. Tony was furious that I had not warned him.


Warn him...and miss
out on so much fun? I think not!


Dads are so special
they will gladly drink the "tea" of a toddler.


// posted by Jui Donoho @ 9:42 PM 0 comments

June 16th, 2006 Wal-Mart, oh no!

Running With Scissors
by Juli of Sew Weid Designs

http://www.sewweird.com

Oh boy you guys really like contests. I got way more suggestions then I thought
I would. It was a hard choice but I decided on "Running With Scissors"
It pretty much describes my life living by the seat of my pants. Liz from California
is the winner of the fabulous Vintage French Chefs. Way to go Liz and glad to
see you can use your mouth for good things too.


Oh my what a week we have
had. Tony has been in Oklahoma all week at a training seminar. The girls and
I had a GREAT time. We did a LOT of shopping and ate what we wanted, when we
wanted. We sleep in every morning and lived life like we had no cares in the
world.

It wasn't all fun and we did get into some trouble. On one of the groups it
was mentioned that they had Cars fabric at Wal-Mart. I had already checked Joann's
and they didn't have it. Since Tony is a state Union Steward I am not allowed
to shop at Wal-Mart. My husband puts very few demands on me so I feel this is
not much to ask. However, they had Cars fabric! What he doesn't know won't hurt...right?


WRONG to make a very long
story short, while we were checking out the girls started to fight over getting
a Icee. Lilly wanted a frozen Coke but the machine was broken and Blayne wouldn't
walk her down to the next machine. I was trying to watch my bags and yelling
at Blayne to take her sister to get a frozen Coke.

We got home and my purse was missing. Panic struck, some crack head stole my
purse! Here I am home alone with no money, credit cards, ID and a crack head
knows where I live. UGH!

I had to call Tony and tell him I was at Wal-Mart. Oh why, oh why did I go!
This man asks so little of me and I betrayed him for Cars fabric. I am so weak
when it comes to fabric that I would put all my morals behind me for the sake
of fabric. I had to tell him just in case the crack head comes and kills us.
It will help with the investigation.

Well I waited until the evening and called him. I am so glad we were 100's of
miles apart because he was PISSED! He was so hurt that I would have gone out
on him and shopped at Wally World. I know I hurt him deeply and it will be a
while before he will get over it. Why can't he understand that I am a woman
with needs! he was away; I was weak. I have my needs and it was only once. It
was his fault for leaving me alone with Wally only 1/2 a mile away!


I went to bed that night
knowing the trust in our marriage was on the rocks. Then at 2am I remembered
my cell phone was in my purse. I leaped out of bed and ran to the phone. Would
the thief have the balls to answer my phone? I figured by this time the thief
is probably all doped up on crack and wouldn't think logically and would answer
it, but then what do I do? Do I demand that he bring me back my purse or I will...what
will I do. Oh well it is worth a try. I call my cell phone twice but no answer
so I drag myself back to bed.

I wake up the next morning to a message on the answering machine. It was made
from my cell! Oh I am so excited as I listen to the message thinking this crack
must be honest and wants to give me back my purse! Wait, no crack head but a
message from a manager at Wal-Mart. I left my purse next to the Icee machine
and they are holding it. OPPS! I guess I owe all the crack heads an apology.


// posted by Jui Donoho @ 9:38 PM 0 comments

June 9th,2006







Welcome to my Newsletter
by Juli of Sew Weid Designs

http://www.sewweird.com



Armageddon! The kids are out of school for summer! I find the summer
bitter sweet. No more alarm clocks, rushing to catch the bus, finding
out at 9pm that 2 dozen cup cakes are expected the next day. No more
searching for shoes, back packs and matching socks. In exchange to hear
"Mom" a gazillion times a day. I threaten my girls that, I
am going to change my name to Sh*t so I can slap them every time they
say it. Doesn't work, they just laugh.

It doesn't help that we are the neighborhood hang out and I seem to
be designated "Geneva" to solve every problem. Many trips
to the doctor and don't get me started on the ice cream truck luring
kids like the evil pied piper. I think the distorted demonic music has
a subliminal message instructing kids to beg parents to pay $2 for a
25 cent popsicle and we do it! It was really fun last year when the
police arrested the ice cream man right in front of our house. I guess
he was selling more then ice cream. Now, how do you explain that to
a dozen crying kids who think the idolized ice cream man is gone forever
meaning a summer void of over priced frozen Kool-Aid. UGH!


In last weeks newsletter
I told you I would be busy all week making tote bags for my youngest
daughter Lilly to give to special people at school. Here they are, I
had Lilly draw pictures for me to digitize. I think they turned out
priceless and they were received very well. I wish I had pictures of
everyone because each picture really does resemble the person. It is
so funny.















Class translator ( I know the "L" is wrong, grr)


Special needs, teacher consultant


Principal


Classroom ParaPro


Classroom Teacher


School bus driver

Blayne made adorable
teacher gifts too. She painted rocks for each teacher. My favorite one
was for her teacher who has a cluttered desk but he never lost a single
paper. She painted it like a chalk board with the words "Organized
Chaos". I wish I had taken pictures...my bad :-( .




Here
is a pillow I made for Blaynes social studies teacher who adopted a
baby girl.



// posted by Jui Donoho @ 9:14 PM 0 comments

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